


The Ringing of Bells

by Kiyara_Iris



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Drama-galore, Hopefully some of this makes sense, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 00:09:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15740106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyara_Iris/pseuds/Kiyara_Iris
Summary: Sometimes, the cathartic drives us.   Enjoy ^_^





	The Ringing of Bells

~ He hadn’t wanted to forget. Hadn’t even wanted to be late. Getting lost on the road of life wasn’t as much an excuse as he’d let people believe, his mind simply sending the wrong information forth or cataloguing it in the vaguest sense of detail, as if purposely sabotaging him was a fucking past time. He wanted to apologize, to beg, to be forgiven. Instead, he left a message of the first words that came to him,

               ‘ _So yup, just realized today is in fact the 19 th and I am the worst friend ever. If you’d like to officially write me off, I’d totally get it_.’    

               And he would. Better than anyone, because he’d lived with himself for 31 fucking years and if anyone deserved to get written off, he most certainly qualified. The crushing realization in his chest at the thought did nothing to stop him. Not when he pictured that too familiar face, eyes so dark it was like an event horizon sucking at his eyes, looking at him so expectantly. He felt himself willing to drown in that gaze, in order to never feel this disappointment that someone else thought they could put their trust in him. But his heart was bleeding into his mind and every time he pictured seeing Iruka next, he could see himself given the opportunity to say,

                 ‘Forgive me, please, there is nothing I can say except, I’m sorry.”

                  And those eyes would look away from him and that desperation would claw at his chest, all coherency leaking continuously, ‘I love spending time with you, I’ve missed you.’ And then he wouldn’t be able to speak. Because he wasn’t allowed to crack, there was too much at stake for such an indulgence. But he could feel those fissures running…-trying to find normalcy in another fucked-up situation that he seemed so adept at finding.  

          ‘Fuck,’ would slip from him and something would break inside, the air thrumming with that powerful agitation only Iruka could exude, and still seem so in control. How? How could that much be felt and controlled? Kakashi simply refused to feel, it made control a non-essential; a constant struggle with little real-world application beside the mundane. He would feel the tension of battle brewing in the air between them. The energy in the surrounding area sucked up into the nebulas of their instincts fighting what they knew to be acceptable as normal human interaction

          ‘Fuck,’ it would fall from Iruka’s lips before the man was ready and Kakashi would see all the fear and torture and musing his mind had gone through, just to get here, with no conduit for that rage. Unspent energy would whistled through Iruka’s body till he was pacing, rigid with it.                    

          ‘I-‘

          ‘I get it.’ Short, full of frustration, but Kakashi would feel the tension pour from his muscles as if given permission. And this was it. That feeling that persisted through their very first interactions as just fucking kids, through an adult life mostly spent so close and hundreds of subtle layers away. Of memories and promises and  _potential_  Kakashi had never associated with anyone else. Iruka was an idea in the back of his mind as a mistake he would fix with the right glue and words. And here it was -his attempt and potential- and he’d fucking thrown such a wrench into it could be nominated for some fucking award. Kakashi had moved the first piece, such a simple message, laced with intent and need,

               ‘ _Hey, I’m not waiting another year to hang out with you :) August 19 th, if the weather holds, morning walk_?’

And getting the unexpected, heart racing reply of,

               ‘ _Yes, that sounds like a plan_ ’.


End file.
